A coaching mentor of mine coined the phrase "The Goal Line and The Soul Line" when talking about achieving success in life. The goal line in life is to set our sights on achieving in the material world -- more money in our wallet, less love handles above our waistline. The soul line is the invisible energy with which we are holding the goal in our mind -- our thoughts, beliefs, and what we say to ourselves -- along the 100 yard sprint (or shuffle) to the end-zone.
Goals work well for getting stuff done in the real world. Drinking more water every day? Getting five more clients this month? Calling grandmom every Sunday? Great!
Goals are NOT great for achieving a long-lasting feeling, emotion or state of mind. That is because our state of mind is constantly in flux. Therefore, hinging a goal to something that is ALWAYS changing, like our feelings, is ultimately setting us up for disappointment.
Many people innocently set goals in order to achieve a certain feeling. We want to “lose ten pounds to feel more sexy. Earn more money to feel more secure. Be in a relationship to not feel so lonely”.
More often than not, we give up on our goals because the feeling that we are searching for seems distant and unattainable. We get stuck in a never-ending loop of chasing outside rewards to attain an internal state.
So how do we ensure success along the goal line AND the soul line?
It’s all about The Come From.
The Come From is the feeling that we come from before and during the process of achieving the goal and not the end result of the goal. To find our Come From, it requires that we look inward to see if we have innocently attached a feeling to our goal. No big deal if we did.
If so, what is it? Security, confidence, clarity, success, or fulfillment are all common feelings to desire from a resolution. Once we see that our resolution is really a means to an end-goal of a certain feeling, then we work from there to cultivate that feeling as we journey toward the goal line.
For instance, if the goal is to be in a relationship with someone else, one result we might desire is to feel a loving connection. Instead of working hard to pursue the relationship in order to feel a loving connection, we find the feeling of connection first, from right where we are. We cultivate connection with ourselves through active acceptance, fierce compassion, and loving self-care.
Instead of focusing on what is lacking, we choose to notice our Come From when it naturally arises. We can honor all of the places in our lives where we already feel a connection with family members, friends, or coworkers along the path of pursuing our goal of finding a romantic partner.
Cultivating the Come From feeling along the way to our goals helps us to feel non-attached to the outcome. We come from a place of love to see that it is available to us regardless of whether the goal is achieved or not. Our capacity for love and self-worth are innate and not reliant on an outside source. We joyfully discover that we have access to connection at any moment whether we are in a relationship, casually dating, or single.
If we have been cultivating feelings of connection during the journey, we are more likely to be open to love when we arrive. Chances are good that the relationship that we create from this place of love will be healthier and happier than a relationship created from a needier state of mind. Getting to the goal line then just becomes icing on the cake of an already beautiful feeling that we have incorporated into our life. It feeds our soul well beyond attaining the material goal.