Updated: Jan 15
Turn on any news channel right now and the evidence would suggest that our true nature is really not that great. It would appear that we are merely hairless monkeys that have lost their way. I think a pineapple may emanate more love and compassion than some of the behaviors we are currently displaying as a species.
Yet, despite appearances and popular opinion, I am convinced that our true nature is love.
My work as a coach is to remind people of this. It's kind of a scam, really. People pay me money for me to tell them what they already know. That underneath their mess of thinking, they are whole and complete, exactly as they are. I get the tremendous gift of sharing with people how well we are made. When they wake back up to their true self it often comes with a warm feeling of relief, contentment, and ease.
We are always one thought away from love.
Have you ever fallen in love with someone? Likely, you were consumed by being with this new and exciting human on a wild roller coaster ride of novelty, fun, and connection. Then, a few weeks or months or even years later, you came to your senses and thought, WTF, what was I thinking?
Well, the truth is, you weren’t. Thinking, that is.
It usually isn’t until we enter into a relationship with the love of our life, that the thinking begins. We start to judge, compare, analyze, and expect a lot from our partner. Instead of a heart to heart connection, it is more like a head to head connection. Two people are living with each other, but only ever seeing their thoughts about the other person. It is difficult to touch the space of love from a head full of thought.
"Love is universal. Marriage is personal."
It’s funny that we call it “falling in love”. It is certainly not “thinking in love” or “planning in love”. It is a falling, a letting go of personal thought that normally limits us from connecting with another human being.
Falling in love is connecting with someone on a heart to heart level, without a lot of thinking. That’s why this lit-up feeling of being with another human being feels so good. It is one of the things in life that seems to naturally take us out of our habitual thinking about ourselves. We fall into this natural and universal space of love that exists before thought.
I once coached a client who was struggling to find the “right woman”. He told me, “you have to kiss a lot of frogs to ever find your princess.” He went on a lot of first dates and would spend the majority of the time sizing them up, categorizing and calculating the women into different labels. Too smart. Too old. Too boring. He determined that 99% of them were frogs.
What he didn’t see was that his hyper-analysis of the women was the problem, not the women. It was his thinking about the women that prevented him from truly connecting. He struggled to see through his judgment to the truth of who was sitting right in front of him. He was innocently creating a wall of thought that blocked him from feeling the innate connection that can easily arise between any two people.
Love is universal to every human, even if it doesn't always seem like it. In a world where it is almost impossible to tell who is telling the truth, love can become our guidepost.
If an idea, action or words come to you with the flavor of love, compassion, or kindness for another human being, then that is usually a good indicator that it is coming from wisdom. That it is True. Love is usually a sign that you're headed in the right direction.
If the thought has a flavor of judgment, anger, or fear that is often a sign that our thinking is not as trustworthy. I'm not saying those feelings aren't real. They feel incredibly real. It's just that those feelings are signs that the thinking is coming from the personal, and not the universal.
When we make things personal -- about us-- we tend to suffer. When we fall back into the universal feeling of love, we have more impact. Think of the great teachers of our history -- Ghandi, the Buddha, Jesus -- they led with love. Most of the stories about them reveal that their impact did not stem from their rhetoric or their words. Their power stemmed from their being. They lived as an embodiment of love and compassion.
Contrary to what it appears, love is truly who we are. It is our birthright. And, I believe that it is only from love that we will knit ourselves back together and begin to heal.